Seetee's Blog

We all deserve to be happy right?

I was watching a documentary featuring champion snowboarder Shaun White, and after a trip of his to Rwanda, he said “Even though the people here are so poor, they’re so happy. It makes me think about all of the things that we take for granted.” and for myself, it made me look back on what it means to be happy, and what makes me happy, because honestly, a steady paycheck may bring stability and security, yet feeling stagnant and not in control of my time, has made me feel very lost and unhappy.

Despite understanding my own feelings, I’ve grown to realize that the hardest thing to do is to create your own change and walk away from a job whose paycheck most people would jump for, in an attempt to build something more meaningful and geared towards both professional and personal growth.

In another sense, the lack of structure and management leadership at my job has taught me things about how NOT to manage people that work for you, and how to speak up and not stay silent. In another way, it also has made gender inequality in the workplace very apparent and all of the power dynamic discrepancies that I used to read about in textbooks come to life day-in and day-out. How long is a person supposed to try to make things better, only to realize that it will take longer than than they are willing to give it, even if the paycheck is good.

How do people find a balance between speaking up to create change, and leaving things alone to preserve sanity and let things work themselves out.

I always come back to this quote:

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

It’s always been the stereotype that in order to be  a “good minority woman” you shouldn’t create conflict, you should do your work and understand that you speaking up about a matter will only label you as a trouble seeker and thus worsen your chances of succeeding in the workplace. Honestly, this happens more often than we all think, and quite often I find myself wanting to shut-up and deal with things in this matter as well, but something in me yanks me and tells me that I know better and I shouldn’t be afraid. It tells me that I should act for the sake of principle because very few will because they are afraid of repercussions, but I shouldn’t be afraid because it’s about something larger.

I thought back a little bit on my happier days, and I came up with these conclusions:

1) I am happiest on the basketball court coaching or playing with people that I care about.

2) I was happiest during my time doing Americorps where I felt like I was part of a community within a larger community, being a part of something.

Give me a few months. I’ll figure it out.